Hide and Seek
by full moon girlie
Summary: He was a young boy when he lost his mother. a Kurt hummel character study.


**Alright author's notes: I am using glee but it's not mine. I borrow it!**

**After seeing the hello promo and kurt's answer about the whole how do you say hello thing I came up with this. You can have a very different opinion about him, but please respect mine and I will respect yours. ( I am only saying this because haters seem to have invaded the glee fanbase.) **

**English is not my first language if you see mistakes please point them out and I will fix them.**

He lost his mom when he was young. He never had the chance to really meet her, he knows her perfume, he knows how she looks, he remembers her voice. But he doesn't remember her. The essential parts that make her, what would make her laugh, what made her angry, what she liked about him.

Sometimes he thinks that she would be proud of him, but then he does something petty like giving Rachel Berry a fake make over, ( even if she needed it and she looked good, all his work of course.) or spreading rumors about Tina and Artie,(even if Mercedes is the only one who will hear them.) and he can't help but think she would be shaking her head in disgust. But he also can't stop it.

He still feels the pain of losing a mom, he lives with a hole that never will be filled again, and he learned to live with that. But harsh words and mean shoves made the hole bigger and he learned from a young age that the bigger the hole the worse you feel.

So he build a shield and hides his pain behind a mask of petty little things. It's not perfect but he gets by, and only shows the hole to his dad. Who understands, who also has a hole, who also has a shield, not like his but similar, and it makes him always proud to know he looks somewhat like his dad.

He hopes she is proud of him, he goes to her grave, lays flowers and sits and sings to her.

The feeling of loss, the feeling of something ripped away from you and never getting it back at such young age. At first he didn't understand, he thought she would come back, that dead was not really forever. It was like forever, like it takes forever to get to grandma on Sunday. Not forever, forever.

You can say that by the time he really understood what had happened he had to do all the stages of grieving all over again, and that was around the time the harsh words started and the mean shoves started. Nobody understood why Kurt Hummel became a mean little boy.

He did however, and he resented everyone for not understanding.

And along came bubbly Rachel Berry, always smiling, always talking about her two parents, while she was stupid and ugly and very annoying. And he was so much better than her and only had one parent, it wasn't fair and he made her know that.

Mercedes and him became friends over the fact that they hated Rachel Berry, the reason for Mercedes hate he doesn't know, just like she doesn't know his reason for his hate. But Rachel had always two parents to pick her up from school.( who cared they were two guys, she had 2, one more than Kurt and he hated her for it.)

It was a hatred based on something stupid but they both never got over it. Rachel always acted like she couldn't care less, and Kurt would whisper behind her back.( But loud enough for her to hear.)

He really hopes his mom is proud of him, because right now he is not so proud of himself.

He pets it down a bit in high school, because she is too busy getting the slushy out of her face and he is trying to get the filth out of his cloth and hair.( They always use different bathrooms.)

Glee club brings them together again and he still hates her, he still has the hole and still has the shield and she is still bubbly, always smiling, always talking, stupid, ugly and very annoying girl.

He still resents her for having two parents. Luckily there are more kids in glee club who know how he feels. One of them is Finn who also lost a parent who knows how to have a hole. But whenever he sees him he can't find it. Their seems to be no hole, and instead of resenting him, he loves him for it. Loves that there is a way to get rid of the hole, and he does everything in his power to get close, to know his secret.

The night he sends Finn of to tell Quinn's parents about the baby he figured out that Finn does indeed has hole, he is just better at covering it up.

He still doesn't like Rachel Berry,( probably never will, even if it's only for her wardrobe.), he is still deeply, madly in love with Finn( even if he does have a hole.) But he toned down a lot.

He thinks his mom would be proud of New Directions.

**Reviews are love, flames will be ignored and please tell me what you think.**


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